She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
