i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
