Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
