you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
