take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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