PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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