Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
