do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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