yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
