Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you had me at cake vodka
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
