If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
