Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Blood and glitter go together right?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
