i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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