i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
