you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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