Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
