Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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