Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
