I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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