Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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