...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
