I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Screwed.edu
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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