dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
