Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
