Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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