Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize