Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
