I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
