Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
