I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
