Sry I called you an 8
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You've changed since you got that strap on
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
