a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
