she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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