I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
