Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
