Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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