I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
