They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
