I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
