Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
