just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
