I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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