So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
