Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
