if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
