im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
