woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I deserve this hangover.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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