two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
