Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
