??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
