And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
